Matchweeks 26 & 27
- footyremarcs
- Feb 28
- 4 min read
Welcome back to FootyReMarcs where we take football as seriously as Jamie Carragher takes the Africa Cup of Nations.
A major incident was declared in Surrey as a sinkhole began swallowing up a street in the area. According to reports the sink hole has already swallowed up Arsenal's Premier League dreams and Manchester City's Champions league hopes. Despite that the sinkhole is not as large as the gap in Manchester United's midfield.
BBC's EastEnders celebrated 40 years on the air, the first episode airing on 19th February 1985, a mere 24 years after Spurs' last First Division win.
I missed the Manchester City vs Liverpool match as I took my son to watch Captain America: Brave New World. The kid absolutely loves Marvel Movies. Some say that they have lost it, that they aren't what they used to be, that they are out of ideas, that they are full of aging leads trying to recapture their former glory, but I don't think Manchester City are that bad now.
This is the last week that all seven planets in our solar system will be visible to the naked eye. They are said to be as clear as an Arsenal red card and will not be visible like this again until 2040 when Spurs still will not have won the league.
Manchester United are set to make up to 200 more staff redundant, unfortunately none are the current coaching staff. The staff canteen is also reported to be closing leading many to believe that Casemiro will regain his former peak physique.
Welcome to Politics Corner!
UK Prime Minister Sir. Keir Starmer announced a rise in defence spending, most of which is mooted to be going to Southampton who's defence has been non-existent in so many games this season.
There was a shift in power in Germany as a conservative government was voted in. The world hasn't seen this many right wingers since Chelsea submitted their latest squad.
Former Labour MP Mike Amesbury has been jailed for 10 weeks for punching a constituent in the street. Meanwhile Bruno Guimaraes is allowed to roam the streets of Newcastle scot-free.
WHAT HAPPENED TO GENE HACKMAN'S DOG?!??!? AND WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THE DEATH OF MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG?!
Former Real Madrid teammates now rivals Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema are fighting it out to be top scorer of the Saudi Pro League.
Jon Lithgow was announced as the actor who will play Professor Albus Dumbledore in the upcoming HBO Harry Potter television series...
"POTTER!" Spat Arteta, the Master of the Dark Arts. "He has RUINED IT! Him and that Webbdledore."
Lewis-Skelly sneered at the mention of the name, the scar of the straight red card still fresh.
"They don't like us. They want us - want you to fail" said Arteta addressing his team of Death Gunners. "Filthy mudboots. We must prepare better for The Forbidden Nottingham Forest"
Odegaard spoke up, his face gaunt, his voice weak and tired. "But Master, we have no forwards, how will we score? For to win, we must score".
Arteta approached his captain. He cupped Odegaards hairy chin in his hand as he looked deep into the desperate eyes. "Silence, Martin. Who needs forwards when we have left backs?"
"Bu-"
"WHO NEEDS FORWARDS WHEN WE HAVE LEFT BACKS! Calafiori, my Italian Galleon, will shock the world and play up front"
"Bu-"
"I HAVE SPOKEN!"
"Bu-"
"AAAAAAAVADA KEDA-V.A.R"
And with that, Odegaard's form was gone...
Thus ends this chapter of Graham Potter and the Half Time Prince.
Premier League results below!!
Wednesday 19th February
Aston Villa 2 - 2 Liverpool - Muchas Garcia.
Friday 21st February
Leicester 0 - 4 Brentford - Foxes foxed up.
Saturday 22nd February
Everton 2 - 2 Manchester United - Ugarte friend in me.
Arsenal 0 - 1 West Ham - January Transfer Window 0 - 1 West Ham.
Bournemouth 0 - 1 Wolves - Where does a Jamaican put his horses at the end of the day? Zabarnyi.
Fulham 0 - 2 Crystal Palace - Mister Andersen.
Ipswich 1 - 4 Tottenham - Brennan JohnSon Heung-Min
Southampton 0 - 4 Brighton - Seagulls shit on Saints.
Aston Villa 2 - 1 Chelsea - January Transfer Window 2 - 1 Chelsea.
Sunday 23rd February
Newcastle 4 - 3 Nottingham Forest -Miley high club.
Man City 0 - 2 Liverpool - We Need to Talk About Kevin.
Tuesday 25th February
Brighton 2 - 1 Bournemouth - Solly March is in a few days time.
Crystal Palace 4 - 1 Aston Villa - Bad ebening.
Wolves 1 - 2 Fulham - Wolves could not take their fill of ham.
Chelsea 4 - 0 Southampton - Nkunk-who are ya!
Wednesday 26th February
Brentford 1 - 1 Everton - Bees stuck in toffee.
Man United 3 - 2 Ipswich - Philogene is not my loveeeeer.
Nottingham Forest 0 - 0 Arsenal - Mikel Merinope.
Tottenham 0 - 1 Manchester City - HaalHand ball.
Liverpool 2 - 0 Newcastle - Szbossing it.
Thursday 27th February
West Ham 2 - 0 Leicester - Kristiansoon be playing in the Championship.
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