Matchweek 12

Welcome back to FootyReMarcs where we don't take football too seriously. No international breaks until March 2025 and plenty of Premier League fixtures means these blogs will be coming at you like Adama Traore's thighs - thick 'n fast!

It was an eventful international break, the biggest news being the video of Premier League referee David Coote's foul mouthed rant about Jurgen Klopp, and another video of Coote sniffing a mysterious white powder. Coote has been suspended pending investigation by the PGMOL, an organisation notorious for blindly backing their members. At least Coote will get to spend Christmas at home with his family this year rather than refereeing the festive fixtures. It's going to be a white Christmas in that household. Sources close to Coote say that he is pushing for a move to the Colombian and Albanian Leagues.

"I can see why Liverpool feel aggrieved, but there is no evidence of a clear and obvious error in this video."

Gary Lineker announced that he will be leaving Match of the Day after twenty five years of hosting the popular BBC Premier League highlights show. Lineker began hosting the show in 1999, the year Spurs won the League Cup. They have have had only one more cup win since then*, winning the League Cup again in 2008. Since then three Grand Theft Auto games have been released - GTA IV, GTA Chinatown Wars & GTA V - which should tell how long ago that really is. I give them to GTA X.

*Audi Cup excluded for OBVIOUS REASONS

England Captain Harry Kane was unhappy with players dropping out of England duty. Bit rich coming from the striker who consistently drops out of the forward line and into midfield.

Pep Guardiola has signed a one year contract extension at Manchester City. He must really want to add 'National League North Champions' to his trophy cabinet.

I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! got underway. I've seen a better line up David Coote's nose to be honest. Colleen Rooney is said to be adjusting well to life in the jungle. "It's dank, humid and smelly with so many strange and guttural animal sounds sharing a bed with Wayne so this is a nice change" she was overheard saying to Tulisa.

I never realised Ruben Amorim was so small!

There was a brief period during the Ipswich Town vs Manchester United match on Sunday when VAR was not in use due to a fire alarm at Stockley Park. Suspiciously it was down for the exact amount of time it takes to get down the stairs, out of the building, hop into the passenger seat of a black Volvo, engage in some pleasantries, take a cheeky test bump, hand over the money, receive the bag, get out of the black Volvo and walk back up to the office.

Spurs beat Man City convincingly to hand the defending champions their fifth straight loss which will no doubt be added to Spurs' "Honours List" on Wikipedia. Liverpool took an eight point lead at the top of the table after beating Southampton in an entertaining game, Leicester's defeat to Chelsea cost Steve Cooper his job, and Ruben Amorim saw his new side draw away to Ipswich.

Weekend's results below!

Saturday 23rd November

Leicester 1 - 2 Chelsea - You're Getting Sacked In The Morni-...oh.

Arsenal 3 - 0 Nottingham Forest - Callum Hudson-Od-Oi watch it mate.

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Crystal Palace - Palace off to a fast Saar-t.

Bournemouth 1 - 2 Brighton - Even Neil's son couldn't get Bournemouth back in the game.

Everton 0 - 0 Brentford - Christian Redcaard.

Fulham 1 - 4 Wolves - Wolves devour the full ham.

Man City 0 - 4 Tottenham - Spurs slay the Dragusin.

Sunday 24th November

Southampton 2 - 3 Liverpool - Oo stick you, Onuachu, and Konate!

Ipswich 1 - 1 Manchester United - Omari Hutchins-On Fire!

Monday 25th November

Newcastle 0 - 2 West Ham - "Hey mate, are you about tonight?" "Yeah yeah, give me 30 minutes. How many do you want?" "Just a Paquet, ta."

That's it for this week! Please share the blog, tell your hairdresser, housekeeper and HR Manager, subscribe on the home page, follow us on Threads and see you next week!