Matchweek 24

Welcome back to FootyReMarcs where we take football as seriously as Boris Johnson took COVID-19. Quick one today as I'm a bit under the weather, could be COVID but I won't know for sure until Boris comes and shakes my hand.

China have released their own AI chatbot DeepSeek. Let's see how it fares compared to ChatGPT.

How can this technology be the future when it can't keep up with current affairs!

It has been a busy January transfer window with Aston Villa and Man City both bolstering their squads, Evan Ferguson joins West Ham on loan, Spurs signed Mathys Tel after being rejected by eveyone else (including Tel), and Radja Naingollan is off to prison on cocaine trafficking charges.

Speaking of cocaine, former referee David Coote came out as gay and revealed he turned to cocaine over fear of coming out in the macho world of football. I'm not homophobic, some of my best friends are cocaine addicts.

It's not all fun and games here as we often have to report on news of missing people. Fortunately Erling Haaland has been found safe and sound in Miles Lewis-Skelly's school bag. Still reported missing are Pep Guardiola's sanity, Brighton's hopes of European Football and everyone from Manchester United.

Neymar is back at boyhood club Santos after his Al-Hilal contract was terminated. Another Saudi termination (no not those kinds) saw Steven Gerrard leave Al Ettifaq by 'mutual agreement', showing that even Steven Gerrard himself knows hes shit.

Some big results in the league as Arsenal humble Man City, Forest batter Brighton and Fulham get a win at St James' Park. Premier League results below!!

Saturday 1st February

Nottingham Forest 7 - 0 Brighton - BrightOn the ropes.

Bournemouth 0 - 2 Liverpool - Mo' Salah mo' goals.

Everton 4 - 0 Leicester - Getting better and Beto.

Ipswich 1 - 2 Southampton - Onuachu, I choose you! Onuachu used tackle, its super effective! Oh wow! Your Onuachu evolved into Rainuachu!

Newcastle 1 - 2 Fulham - Howe to throw away a lead.

Wolves 2 - 0 Aston Villa - And they callllll it a Bellgarde.

Sunday 2nd February

Brentford 0 - 2 Tottenham - Ange Postegetsawintokeephiminforabitlongerlu.

Manchester United 0 - 2 Crystal Palace - Devenny deserved a win.

Arsenal 5 - 1 Man City - Man 51ty.

Monday 3rd February

Chelsea 2 - 1 West Ham - Back of the Neto.

That's it for this week, see you in a few weeks. Don't forget to tell your regional manager, assistant regional manager and assistant to the regional manager about the blog, follow us on Threads and BlueSky, and BYE.