Matchweek 25

Welcome back to FootyReMarcs where we take football as seriously as Rachel Reeves' CV.

As it was Valentine's Day here is a poem you can send to your loved ones.

North London is red

Manchester is blue

Call us Yorke and Cole

Because I love scoring with you

Parts of the UK have been buffeted by storms again. Surly every storm name that starts with an A should be called 'Abigail'. Kieran Tierney was spotted washing his Ford Escort in just his undies during the turbulent weather.

It was announced that popular game Football Manager 25 has been cancelled. The developers told players it had made the "difficult decision" to cancel the 2025 edition as it was "too far away from the standards you deserve". When asked to elaborate the developer confirmed that Spurs had won the Premier League in closed tests of the game which was deemed too unrealistic.

There are calls for referees to start clamping down on goal celebrations with talks of a crack team being formed to focus on this "issue". Yes we are dangeriously close to having a literal celebration police. Alan Hansen, Roy Keane and Mark Lawrenson are all said to be interested in leading this initiative and are already calling for this force to be called Serious Soccer or The SS for short.

Speaking of leading, ex-England manager Gareth Southgate is set to publish a book on leadership. We have an exclusive excerpt below:

"To lead is to be alone, to make the tough choices for others to follow. To lead is to inspire so those who follow will always do so. But most importantly, to lead is to drop Harry Kane into midfield where he cannot influence the game."

Regular readers will know I love puns so here are some love puns with the Premier League results in honor of Valentine's Day.

Wednesday 12th February

Everton 2 - 2 Liverpool - Loverpool x

Friday 14th Februay

Brighton 3 - 0 Chelsea - Levi ColWill you be my Valentine? X

Saturday 15th February

Leicester 0 - 2 Arsenal - You've got lovely eyes, and a great Arsenal x

Aston Villa 1 - 1 Ipswich - You're looking Disexy x

Fulham 2 - 1 Nottingham Forest - IwoBe mine x

Man City 4 - 0 Newcastle - I Khusalove you x

Southampton 1 - 3 Bournemouth - Can't wait to get you in my Bed-narek x

West Ham 0 - 1 Brentford - Nice Areola you've got there x

Crystal Palace 1 - 2 Everton - I Devenny would x

Sunday 16th February

Liverpool 2 - 1 Wolves - You can toss my Salah x

Tottenham 1 - 0 Manchester United - I'm your secret admirer, you'll never guess and I'll never Tel x

That's it for this week. Don't forget to share the blog with your sister, swimming coach and System Administrator, follow us on Threads and BlueSky, subscribe on the homepage and PEACE!