Matchweek 34

Welcome back to FootyReMarcs where we take football as seriously as the town of Runcorn voters.

Congratulations to Liverpool who have won the Premier League!! There were brilliant scenes as the team were able to celebrate their title win in front of their fans, something which they were unable to do when they last won the league in 2020 due to COVID-19 restrictions which kept supporters out stadiums, which we are hearing Ange Postecogolu is vehemently trying to enforce again.

With four gameweeks left there is still a fight to finish in the top five Champions League spots with five teams within five points of each other giving at least some teams something to play for. Arsenal finished in second place for the third season in a row. As I pleaser myself I am always happy to come second.

Parts of Spain and Portugal were subject to huge power outages this week leaving many unable to charge phones, contact loved ones and upload to their OnlyFans. The cause of the outage is still unknown, but eye witnesses have reported seeing bright flashes of lightening emanating from the Real Madrid training ground as they try to revive their pride.

Crystal Palace and Manchester City are both through to the FA Cup final. This will make it 28 times Man City have played at the New Wembley meaning that they have overtaken Manchester United in having the most fans in London. If you believe every London based Manchester United fan then you would come to the conclusion that all of life began in Manchester as that's where their dad/grandad/mother/grandmother was born. Jokes aside, Manchester United are one of the biggest club in the world and to fit with this they have decided to finish at the biggest number they can this season! They are currently sitting in 14th but hope to get that number up to 17 if possible.

The BBC reported on "seven takeaways from US-Ukraine resources deal" that took ppave twhich is the same amount of takeaways Wayne Rooney would have after playing on a Saturday lunchtime.

Jack P. Shephard has won Celebrity Big Brother surprising no one because, like Djurgården vs Chelsea, no one watched it.

Tony Blair has warned plans to hit net-zero carbon emissions by halting the use of fossil fuels are "doomed to fail", something aging fossil Casemiro was very glad to hear.

This week marked the hottest start to May since records began with the Met Office starting to collect data in 1853. James Milner fondly recalled the May showers of 1853....

Premier League results below!

Saturday 26th April

Chelsea 1 - 0 Everton - I'm sorry Nick Jackson oooo I AM FOR REEEEEEAL

Brighton 3 - 2 West Ham - Aint nobody dope as me I'm just Soucek and clean (Soucek and so clean clean)

Newcastle 3 - 0 Ipswich - I know you like to think your Schar don't stink.

Southampton 1 - 2 Fulham - Berge Boi.

Wolves 3 - 0 Leicester - André 3000

Sunday 27th April

Bournemouth 1 - 1 Manchester United - My baby don't mess around because she loves Yoro and this I know fo' sho'.

Liverpool 5 - 1 Tottenham - Lean a little bit closer see that Spurs really are pooo pooo pooooo.

Thursday 1st May

Nottingham Forest 0 - 2 Brentford - I am out of OutKast puns, feel free to comment one below. Bombs over Brentford seems a bit harsh.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to tell your Youth Worker, Yoga Instructor and Your ex about the blog, follow us on Threads and BlueSky and see you next week!