Matchweek 4

Weclome back! It was a costly international break which has seen key Premier League players injured, most notably Man City's Nathan Ake and Arsenal's Martin Ödegarrd and Riccardo Calafiori. This has prompted players and managers to criticise the fixture congestion, with many calling for players to go on strike. Southampton are said to be big supporters of this movement as they are desperate for strikers.

There was yet another attempt to assassinate USA Presidential candidate Donald Trump. I will refrain from making any jokes about this news story due to it's seriousness. Plus you never know when a Republican might get their ear shot. I MEAN BE IN EARSHOT! Damn.

Speaking of misses, the Northern Lights were seen by thousands across parts of the UK this weekend, but suspicuosuly not by anyone in the PGMOL. Weird that.

An internal rift between Chelsea owners Todd Boehly and Behdad Eghbali is set to be the biggest bust up in Chelsea since Millie Mackintosh's enhancement surgery. Despite the uncertainty Chelsea were able to secure a 0 - 1 away win at Bournemouth, with new signing...sorry just checking my notes, there are a lot of new sigings...jesus, another page?...ok almost...there it is, Jadon Sancho assisting Nkunku for the winning goal.

The hearing into man City's 115 charges kicks off this week in a legal battle that will shake the foundations of English football. The evidence seems stacked high against the reigning Premier League champions, with the potential punishment still unknowm but likely to be costly. As a reputable source of information I cannot say that Man City are guilty, mainly because they paid me a shit tonne of money to say that the aren't.

Nottingham Forest got their first win at Liverpool since 1969 (giggity), Arsenal beat Tottenham 0 - 1 in the first North London Derby of the season in a feisty match full of yellow cards, and like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, Everton threw away a two goal lead to lose 3 - 2 to Aston Villa.

Results of the weekend's fixtures below!

Saturday 14th September

Southampton 0 - 3 Manchester United - Milk and two Sugawara please.

Brighton 0 - 0 Ipswich - Massimo LuonNoGoals.

Crystal Palace 2 - 2 Leicester - Welcome back, we've missed Ayew.

Fulham 1 - 1 West Ham - Honours even in the Battle of the Hams.

Liverpool 0 - 1 Nottingham Forrest - Why did Liverpool's back-up goalkeeper push his wife out the window? To Kelleher.

Man City 2 - 1 Brentford - Nø!! Rrr Gaaaard!

Aston Villa 3 - 2 Everton - Idrissa Gana Get Relegated.

Bournemouth 0 - 1 Chelsea - Disasi-ster avoided.

Sunday 15th September

Tottenham 0 - 1 Arsenal - North London is yellow cards!

Wolves 1 - 2  Newcastle - Victory as-Schar-ed

That's all for now, join us next week to see how Man City get on against THE ENTIRE PREMIER LEAGUE! Halaand probably gets a hattrick. Thanks for reading, please subscribe on the homepage, and share the blog! Tell your cashier, courier and community support officer.