Matchweeks 19 & 20

Hello and welcome back to Footy ReMarcs where we take football as seriously as The Golden Globes takes the TV show The Bear - I've said it once and I'll say it again THE BEAR IS NOT A COMEDY!! IT DOES A DISSERVICE TO COMEDIC ACTORS SUCH AS STEVE MARTIN AND MARTIN SHORT TO HAVE JEREMY ALLEN WHITE WIN BEST TV ACTOR IN A COMEDY OR MUSICAL CATEGORY. JEREMY IS AN AMAZING ACTOR AND IS GREAT AT BEING A BROODY, PENT UP HYPER FOCUSSED AND DEPRESSING CHEF. WHEN I WATCH HIM I FEEL ANXIETY NOT AMUSEMENT! Sorry...not sure where that came from, maybe I was channelling the great comedic actor Jeremy Allen White...anyway back to silly football stuff.

Happy New Year all, and especially to Harry Maguire who has somehow managed to get a contract renewal at Manchester United. Speaking of Manchester United my rubbish bins have FINALLY been collected after being full for almost two weeks.

Luke Littler won his first Darts World Championship at the age of 17. Littler would have been 1 year and 1 month old when Spurs won their last trophy. That's mad. At 17 I was...what was I doing? Must have been good as I can't remember.

The UK's largest dinosaur footprint site was unearthed in an Oxfordshire quarry this month, prompting many at Manchester United to question what Casemiro was even doing in Oxfordshire.

I have recently started listening to a new Podcast that I highly recommend called Real Survival Stories which is about real amazing feats of human resilience and willpower in life threatening situations, including being eaten by a hippo, crash landing in the Greenland tundra, and being buried alive for a fortnight. I cannot wait for Ange Postecolgou's episode on his life changing ordeal at Spurs.

Many parts of the UK have been buffeted by wintery weather this week. Arsenal's Kieran Tierney was photographed taking a stroll through the sub zero snow fall in his shorts and T-shirt.

Plymouth Argyle and Wayne Rooney mutually decided to go their separate ways putting all football clubs on high alert that there is a manager on the loose intent on destroying their season.

Two gameweeks worth of results and bad puns below!

Sunday 29th December

Leicester 0 - 2 Man City - Savedvinho.

Crystal Palace 2 - 1 Southampton - ChaloBah! Humbug.

Everton 0 - 2 Nottingham Forest - Wood chips for the win!

Fulham 2 - 2 Bournemouth - Dango Ouattara Unchained.

Tottenham 2 - 2 Wolves - Hwang 'em up to dry!

West Ham 0 - 5 Liverpool - More like West Ham Untied.

Monday 30th December

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Brighton - Tariq LampTea and biscuits.

Ipswich 2 - 0 Chelsea - Omari HutchinsOn fire!

Man United 0 - 2 Newcastle - Amor-in big trouble.

Wednesday 1st January

Brentford 1 - 3 Arsenal - Happy New YeArsenal!

Saturday 4th January

Tottenham 1 - 2 Newcastle - I-sak managers everywhere I go.

Aston Villa 2 - 1 Leicester - Bailey-d out!

Bournemouth 1 - 0 Everton - Cherried toffees.

Crystal Palace 1 - 1 Chelsea - Baby its Cole outside.

Man City 4 - 1 West Ham - Hammers hammered.

Southampton 0 - 5 Brentford - 5-0uthampton

Brighton 1 - 1 Arsenal - What do NwaneWe want? Better officiating! When do NwaneWe want it? NOW!

Sunday 5th January

Fulham 2 - 2 Ipswich - Raul Jimepenz.

Liverpool 2 - 2 Manchester United - MazWowWowWeeWow.

Monday 6th January

Wolves 0 - 3 Nottingham Forest - Wolves destroyed by deForestistaion...or something like that. I've done the leg work you finish it off.

That's it for this week, thanks for reading. Don't forget to tell your optician, osteopath and older brother and/or sister about the blog, SUBSCRIBE ON THE HOMEPAGE, follow us on Threads and see you in a few weeks!